Monthly Archives: December 2014

Looking For Writers…

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As we come to a close in 2014 here at Rebel’s Consciousness, I would just like to say a few things for the new year upcoming.  As we all continue to put fresh and new updated content on this page. I would like to say first off, that I think the strides we’ve made have been exceptional. And that we want to continue to give people that follow us, a new and fresh perspective on the world in as many way’s as possible! We would like to make a push in 2015, and give some of our followers an alternative option when reading on wide array of subjects. Mainly why I am coming to you today, is to ask our followers here for your help. If you have any writing experience of any kind, we are always looking for more contributors. Our plan has always been to make this as diverse of a creative outlet as we can. Maybe you’d like to put something out with us? If you’re interested, I will leave a few links down below for you to contact us. I hope each and every one of you has a splendid New Year celebration wherever you may be. =)

https://www.facebook.com/rebelsconsciousness

https://www.facebook.com/chris.ballenger.33

https://www.facebook.com/patrick.mcgimpsey.1?fref=ts

Creator and Contributor- Chris Ballenger

SUPERHEROICS ON A BUDGET (PART 1)

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I grew up on comic books so the renaissance of shows, movies, games and more that have spawned from my old four-color playground has kept me in a high state of giddiness this whole century. Christopher Nolan’s sublime trio of movies about the Dark Knight, the success of Marvel Studios’ shared movie continuity, and Zack Snyder’s divisively debated Man of Steel are all holding down the movie side while the well-regarded Arkham series of video games about Batman and his world has fans anxiously awaiting every new chapter. Hell, even the sales of mainstream comics have seen a bump out of their usual doldrums since the advent of same-day digital. It’s a great time to be a fan of comic books and superheroes whether a noob, a vet, an all-consumer or a partisan. The medium that has seen the most growth in spreading the gospel of fantastic heroes fighting dastardly evil is television. The selection of shows, current and planned, offer much more than a momentary distraction during the wait for the next billion-dollar extravaganza from Hollywood.

The just concluded Fall premiere season brought a total of six shows with comic book roots but I’ll only be talking about five of them. No offense to fans of The Walking Dead who are reading this but zombies bore me. Three shows were new, four of them are from the DC/Vertigo canon and one from Marvel. They are in order of the nights they air: Gotham, The Flash, Agents of SHIELD, Arrow, and Constantine. Like fandom, I’ve got my likes and dislikes about each show but overall, they have proven to be quality television, not just good comic book shows.

So make sure your running shoes are tightly laced, your quiver is full, your magic talisman is handy, and your quinjet fueled up with the cloak activated because we’re about to go into a grand journey of superheroics on a budget.

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GOTHAM (Fox), Mondays at 8PM EST

Gotham, the most hyped new show of the Fall season, aims to tell the story of Batman’s city in the aftermath of the deaths of Bruce Wayne’s parents. The ten episodes aired so far follow a large and interconnected cast around a metropolis dark as Victorian London as reflected in a Dickensian novel. A few episodes have seemed unwieldy at times due to the many moving pieces and the creators’ interest in serving Easter eggs to hungry fan folks steeped in Bat-lore but, when it slows down, the kaleidoscopic cast easily propels the show’s central mystery of why Thomas and Martha Wayne were killed. From what I’ve seen so far, it was for more than Mrs. Wayne’s pearl necklace.

A nicer group you could find in Hell

A nicer group you could find in Hell

Our entree into this murky world is fresh-faced Detective James Gordon (Ben McKenzie,) whose by-the-book methods clash from the start with the slovenly corruption of his department embodied in his cynical veteran partner, Harvey Bullock (Donal Logue). Gordon learns soon enough that being the seemingly lone good cop in a bad town that likes to be dirty is hard going. Everyone from the mayor on down is compromised and interested in making him as tainted as they are. Idealism is bad for business. Gordon finds out right quick there’s a murderer’s row of gangsters and hitmen eager to make sure he doesn’t rock the boat. Gangsters led by di capo di tutti capi, Don Carmine Falcone (John Doman), and supported by his scheming lieutenants who are gunning for his top spot like Fish Mooney (Jada Pinkett-Smith) and Sal Maroni (David Zayas). The murderously ambitious Oswald “Don’t Call Him Penguin” Cobblepot (Robin Lord-Taylor) is in the background creeping on his own come up and he’s not averse to spilling a little (okay, a lot of blood) to succeed Don Falcone.

Brucie, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Brucie, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Throw in the crazy that Gotham seems to attract like hypnotized serial killers, mad chemists, and vigilantes who kill criminals with weather balloons and Gordon has his plate full honoring the vow he made to young Bruce Wayne (David Mazouz) the night his parents were killed that he would find out who did it despite the cost. He’d better get a move on with it too because the amazingly self-contained Bruce is laser-focused on the same goal as he conducts his own investigation with the help of his trusty butler and legal guardian, Alfred Pennyworth (Sean Pertwee), who is as down for a scrap as any Gotham thug. Just because Batman isn’t on the show doesn’t mean Batman isn’t on the show, if you catch my drift.

That’s some character list and I haven’t even mentioned the proto Bat-villains who have appeared on the show like Poison Ivy, Mr. Zsasz, the Riddler, Hush, Two-Face, and an agile street kid with a thing for cats who witnessed the Waynes’ murder, Selina Kyle (Camren Bicondova).

It all creates a gumbo mix of personalities and tones that takes something from every era of the Batman mythos. There’s the gangster element reminiscent of the Depression Era when the Bat was created, the zany camp of the Adam West show from the 60’s, the grit and urban decay from Frank Miller’s seminal tomes, and the paranoid darkness of the Nolan films. All these elements play out in a gray, overcast Gotham City that perfectly combines the Gothic influences of Anton Furst and Tim Burton from the latter’s movies with the modern verisimilitude of the Nolan trilogy strained through The French Connection. This authentic setting combined with the accomplished cast led by McKenzie’s good-hearted but tough Gordon truly makes the show a satisfying treat on many levels. McKenzie has taken what could have been a thankless straight man role and made it a foundation that allows consummate professionals like Pinkett-Smith, Logue, and Lord-Taylor, the show’s revelation, to chomp down on the scenery when the main conflict of certain episodes have proven to be rather bland.

Showrunner Bruno Heller, the mastermind behind well-regarded programs The Mentalist and Rome, is responsible for stirring up this concoction and despite some peculiar ingredients like the buffoonery of Gotham’s mayor (Richard Kind) and the unrealistically complete venality of the GCPD, his show at the midway point of its maiden season has a
savory taste that has me back every Monday night with my empty bowl asking for more.

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THE FLASH (CW), Tuesdays at 8PM EST

Now let’s move from the misty gloom of Gotham City to the breezy sunshine of Central City, home of the Fastest Man Alive and the breakout hit of the season, The Flash. The Scarlet Speedster anchors the most joyful of all the superhero shows currently airing. DC Comics head creative honcho, Geoff Johns, said in the lead up to the series premiere that it would be the most faithful superhero show ever made and I can’t argue with him. Sure, it’s not an exact translation of the Flash stories from the source material but it has the spirit of the comics down cold which makes for a fun sixty minutes every time the show comes on.

The Flash chronicles the adventures of Barry Allen (Grant Gustin), a crime scene investigator, who becomes the fastest human ever in true comic book fashion after a particle-accelerated lightning bolt hits a bank of chemicals that bathe him in electrified goodness and knock him into a nine-month coma. When he awakens Barry discovers he has superhero abs and enough speed to run circles around Usain Bolt going backward. He’s also become a human guinea pig of sorts for the remaining staff of S.T.A.R. Labs which has fallen on hard times after the particle accelerator the scientific concern turned on to great pomp and circumstance nearly destroyed the city and left behind a new and angry subset of humanity called metahumans. The staff made up of Caitlin Snow (Danielle Pannabaker), Cisco Ramon (Carlos Valdez), and the founder and leader of STAR Labs, the mysterious Dr. Harrison Wells (Tom Cavanaugh), see Barry as the key to making right what went wrong when the particle accelerator malfunctioned by neutralizing the metahumans who cause trouble with their new found powers. They also want to study the effects Barry’s speed has on his physiology, even if all this scientific attention is less than altruistic on Dr. Wells’ end.

This sounds good to Barry and it isn’t long before he’s zipping through the streets of Central City in a lurid crimson bodysuit doing the hero thing. This is only natural since Barry is a genuinely good guy who wants to help people in any way he can, particularly his wrongly imprisoned father, Henry (John Wesley Shipp). Despite his natural optimism, there is much darkness in Barry’s history from the night fourteen years previously when a whirlwind of red and yellow light with a man (or men) inside of it came into his home and left his mother dead with his father framed for her murder. That night drives him to find out what or who killed his mother so he can get justice for her and free his father.

That quest for personal justice is what drove Barry to excel in scientific studies while tracking down every bit of weird and unexplained phenomena he could find to get to the bottom of this tragedy. It also eventually led him into the orbit of the Starling City vigilante, the (not yet Green) Arrow, shortly before his encounter with that lightning bolt. Yes, The Flash and the other CW comic book show, Arrow, take place in the same world as shown by the two-part backdoor pilot for the speedster during the latter’s second season.

Barry didn't get the message that you can't smile while wearing a mask

Barry didn’t get the message that you can’t smile while wearing a mask

The introduction of Barry on the established Arrow last year brought the show some of its biggest ratings so it was no surprise that Warner Brothers, the studio that owns DC Comics, greenlit a show for young Mr. Allen. I knew the show was a go when I saw how engaging Gustin was as Barry Allen and figured he would be able to carry a program about such an iconic superhero on his wiry runner’s frame despite his young age. Gustin’s youth and the earnest way he acts have turned out to be positives though because it doesn’t allow his character to be jaded or conflicted about his superspeed and actually allows himself to enjoy being a hero, a switch from many comic book do-gooders who come across as broody and resentful of their special gifts and circumstances. Gustin’s Barry knows running around in a red fire suit fighting men of steel and human bombs is dangerous but he can’t help but race into the breach with an infectious confidence that he’s going to stop the bad guy and make everything right.

Can you adopt me too, Joe?

Can you adopt me too, Joe?

It’s not difficult to see where Barry’s boundless optimism was nurtured whenever his foster father, Detective Joe West (Jesse L. Martin), and his daughter, Iris (Candice Patton), who Barry loves too much to ever consider as a foster sister, step into the picture. Joe and Iris show that love is a force just as powerful as superspeed in surviving tragedy and coming out stronger on the other side. The Wests’ fondness for Barry is evident seemingly every episode, even when they have to toughen it up to keep his speedy feet solidly on the ground. Jesse L. Martin in particular makes my eyes a little misty every time he has one of his heart-to-hearts with his foster son. Watch the mid-season finale if you don’t believe me to see what I’m talking about but grab a few Kleenex though because you may need them.

Candice Patton as Iris and Rick Cosnett as Det. Eddie Thawne, Joe’s partner and Barry’s rival for Iris’ affections, are the only members of the cast who haven’t been well served in the first nine episodes but the midseason finale looks to address that going forward. If Johns’ boasting proves true about the faithfulness of the show then there’s more than enough material in their respective comic book futures to test their acting chops.

The Flash springs from the same brain trust behind Arrow, Greg Berlanti, Marc Guggenheim and Andrew Kreisberg, so there is no drop in quality from the older series to its shinier, younger sibling. My main worry before the show began was how the crew behind the camera would pull off the much more complicated special effects needed as compared to its predecessor on a television budget. The EFX crew proves weekly it’s smarter than me with how seamlessly the running and other effects are presented because they are just short of movie quality. There were some hiccups with the look of the Mist in the third episode but the SFX really popped in the midseason finale when Barry faced off against the Reverse Flash, the Man in the Yellow Suit, whom he holds responsible for the death of his mother, along with an appearance by the hero Firestorm (Robbie Amell) in all his blazing glory.

I have to really struggle to find criticisms for The Flash but everything I come up with are only nitpicks that I expect to improve as the series goes on. The show is already a major success for a network considered lightweight when compared to its more established peers so it’s already far ahead of where many thought it would be. The trio of showrunners who have crafted the show’s initial success should be able to continue exceeding expectations because subplots abound on this show but unlike Gotham they don’t weigh down the forward propulsion of the individual episodes while building to a greater climax since Dr. Wells has already shown us a possible future for young Barry ten years down the road. By then we the viewers should know how Firestorm was created, what really happened in Barry’s home the night his mother was killed, how fast Barry can really move, and the identity of the Man in the Yellow Suit. So many cliffhangers, so many days before the new episodes start in mid-January. How is it that a show about the fastest man alive makes us wait so long before it comes back?
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AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC), Tuesdays at 9PM EST

The lone Marvel televised entry in this listing is Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (AOS) which is leaps and bounds better so far in its second season than it was in the first but honestly, that just brings it up to serviceable from dreck. AOS’s biggest strength is paradoxically its biggest weakness: it takes place in the same continuity as Marvel’s wildly successful movie universe which gave it instant geek cred last year but actually hobbles what the show can do on the smaller screen. While it was fun the first ten times in the first season hearing one of the agents reference the Battle of New York from The Avengers or make a joke about Norse gods falling from the sky a la Thor, it seemed as if the showrunners, Jed Whedon and Maurissa Taucheron, were content to present forgettable episodes for most of the episodes. Too many entries looked and felt like something out of the 80’s oeuvre of Stephen J. Cannell, who gave us the immortal Fall Guy, Hardcastle and McCormick, and The A-Team. That was good adventure programming thirty years ago but in today’s world of action shows with overarching, season-long storylines and movie quality digital effects, AOS came off as slight and skimpy, especially when compared to CW’s Arrow.

Oh, there were plotlines that played out most of the inaugural season like how the show’s lead, Agent Phil Coulson (Clark Gregg), managed to come back from the dead after being skewered by the God of Mischief’s, Loki, magic glow stick. And what was so special about Skye (Chloe Bennett), the hacktivist waif, who became part of Coulson’s team? But the payoffs usually turned out not to be worth all the buildup. It wasn’t until the ramifications from Captain America: The Winter Soldier that the show found any real footing. It is fun in concept to see a weekly show that ties into the Marvel Cinematic Universe but it becomes problematic when the most exciting plot developments take place on the silver screen and not the television screen.

The Sexy Ass-Kicker

The Sexy Ass-Kicker

That said, this season AOS has not wasted too much of the momentum from the Captain America sequel as Coulson now leads a much smaller version of S.H.I.E.L.D., on the defensive from a resurgent Hydra and the governments of the world because of the evil organization’s infiltration of the spy agency. This has made for some diverting episodes and action beats like Agent Melinda May (Ming Na Wen) literally fighting against herself, actually a disguised, brainwashed fellow agent, and a counter-infiltration of Hydra headquarters by Simmons (Elizabeth Hentsridge), the cute as a button techie no one would ever suspect of going on a deep cover assignment. The sophomore season has also brought in heroes and villains from Marvel continuity like Bobbi Morse aka Mockingbird (Adriane Padalicki), the Absorbing Man, and, notably, Kyle Machlachlan with hands dripping blood as Calvin Zabo alias Mr. Hyde, Skye’s father.

Throw in new and returning secondary members like Trip (BJ Britt), Mack (Henry Simmons), and the Koenings (Patton Oswalt) along with the turncoat Agent Ward (Brett Dalton), who’s playing his own game, and AOS has a very engaging cast on paper that’s not very interesting in execution. The worst parts of the cast are the brain-damaged Fitz (Iain de Castecker) and the roguishly lame mercenary Lance Hunter (Nick Blood). It really strains credulity that a squad on the run and facing danger from every darkened corner would actually waste time lugging around Fitz’s dead weight much less depend on him to save the whole group as he tries to overcome the injuries from Agent Ward’s betrayal last season and the mawkish flame he carries for Simmons.

What is and what could have been

What is and what could have been

Fitz’s storyline makes my eyes glaze over but Hunter’s supposedly charming scoundrel with a British accent makes me grind my teeth because he serves no real purpose. Instead of the writers giving more plot and action rhythms to returning cast member Trip or to the newcomer Mack they’re both reduced to grunt and nursemaid, respectively, so the twit Hunter can spout some tacky one-liners and make out in the back of vans with his ex-wife Mockingbird. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I would have rather seen Agent Trip’s backstory explored more of what his grandfather, one of the original Howling Commandos and founders of S.H.I.E.L.D., taught him growing up. I want to know more about Mack other than seeing him trying to read Fitz’s fried brain but his only real development came from falling down a deep shaft and coming up as a lumbering zombie with black-on-black eyes. Did I tell you I don’t like zombies? Well, I don’t like them or most horror movies because the same thing always happens to guys who look like Trip and Mack in them. While Mack’s eyes went back to their normal color at the end of the mid-season finale, *SPOILER ALERT* Agent Trip won’t be coming back, an unsurprising and clichéd end since the show has used tired old tropes from its inception.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has the bones of a much better show and while this season is an improvement, it’s still more DVR watching than must-see viewing. Sure Coulson and the Koenings get off some pithy quips, Agent May is always fascinating to look at, and the EFX have improved but the show is still a hodgepodge of cloak and dagger spy maneuvers with a sci-fi patina. The sci-fi beats are supposedly seeding the ground for the introduction of the mysterious Inhumans in their own movie a few years down the line and the Kree Empire, which figures to play a major role in the upcoming Captain Marvel flick as well. The problem is that just like with The Winter Soldier, the real payoff to these plots and world building will be seen at the movie theater instead of in prime time on your local ABC affiliate. Everything shown this season on AOS could have been done last year but the real shame of this series is that instead of being its own unique entity in the Marvel Universe it will only be permitted to spread its wings just so far. Just so far because corporate synergy trumps narrative originality every time.

–Jason O. Logan

Come back for Part 2 of Superheroics on a Budget tomorrow

Slade’s end of Year… Thing

Well it is the end of the year and everyone is doing their top this and top that… I suppose with little else to write about at the moment I could do a ‘list’. About what? Well about movies. Now my movie watching was slim this year. Buying a house and hosting several gatherings at my house took my funds away a good bit and left me unable to see a two or three films a month. This year I saw 11 films in the theater and I shall now rank them in order from best to weakest, with explanations. Needless to say SPOILERS AHEAD!

1. Captain America: The Winter Soldier – This film deserves the top spot on my film watching for several reasons. Say what you want but it is clearly the best written and directed of the marvel films. The plot was so well crafted that you could remove the marvel elements and still had an excellent film about government corruption, which leads us to the last reason I will list… this film could happen. Maybe not with Hydra, but imagine if you will Obama walking away from a podium. Backstage he crosses paths with George W. Bush and the two quietly exchange “Hail Hitler” as they pass. What a scary world that would be.

2. Fury – What can I say. I’m a sucker for War movies, especially if they deal in World War 2 and since my Grandfather drove tanks this movie was a shoe in on my watch list. I felt the cast delivered strong performances all around. Having served I know how soldiers tend to behave and the things they chat about, and listening to a bunch of soldiers say things like “hey you think Hitler would let us fuck him for a pack of cigarettes?” just made me feel like I was back in my unit. Hell everyone did such a good job I didn’t even mind Shia on screen. He did well too, and the action sequences were not too over the top. Nothing was done in that film that could not have actually happened. It was a well rounded film showing some grittiness of a war in which many of us are fortunate to have never had to participate.

3. The Monuments Men – Yet again I find myself plunged into WWII. I enjoyed this film mostly for its subject matter, but also the casts was top notch, even if it wasn’t any of their best performances. My complaint isn’t even the lack of action. That’s not what this story was about. It was about art, and that’s something I’m passionate about, but I felt this film didn’t quite capture the realism in dialog that Fury did, which is why it finds itself below said film. Still with fun quotable scenes, and memorable script this film finds its way very near to the top of this year’s list. On ward to the rest.

4. If I Stay – No matter what you believe in; afterlife, or nothing, this film was nothing short of fantastic. Never really knowing if what she saw was in her head in a coma or if she was really wandering the hospital in some sort of Ethereal form. Going back and seeing the past is what made the film. Watching to see how the past would affect her choice to live or die. And in the end I’m a closet Romance fan, and this was certainly above all else a love story. Not to mention it was nice to watch Cloe do something that didn’t involve killing people.

5. X-Men days of future Past – A bit high on the list but yes this was my 2nd favorite of the marvel films I watched this year. After deciding to be ok with the changes made in the first two films I was horrified when I saw “Last Stand” and further dumb founded when even Wolverine Origins and First class couldn’t seem to keep to the established continuity for the films. This film breathed fresh life into the series. I felt the way I did when I watch X2. And the events of the film nullifying everything except First class was really just the icing on the cake. It took itself just as serious as it needed to and had fun where it could (Quicksilver anyone?)

6. The Amazing Spider Man 2– Hot off the heels of the First ASM I this film didn’t waste time delivering what we really wanted to see. Spider Man duking it out with a bad guy. Yes it was campy writing, yes, it was campy acting (rhino….. SMH) but that’s what I watch spidey for. My complaints are limited to the very different Harry Osborn, the death of Norman before he became a threat, “Don’t you know, Doc… I’m electro!” And worst of all, they killed Gwen Stacey.. Yes I know she dies.. but I am going to be honest with you. I never liked Stacey in the comics. I certainly didn’t like her in Spider Man 3 (there was very little I liked about that movie) But ASM showed me a Stacey I could fall in love with… and I did. And some little part of me was saying “They change stuff in movies all the time. Maybe they will let her live…” however as much as I hated it I knew it had to come. For Gwen’s death was a turning point for the character. It is when he learns that he can’t save everyone. So yes for such a deep lesson in an other wise casual film I place this movie at number Six… above…..

7. Guardians of the Galaxy – Some of you are likely thinking “Is he an idiot?! He saw this and it’s not at the number 1 spot?” That’s right. I liked this movie, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think it deserves best movie of the year nor do I even think it is the best film in the MCU. It was fun, well written and the actors all had good chemistry. A possible factor could be that I am not as familiar with these characters as with other marvel films. It was a movie that knew it was there to entertain and that’s what it did. Nothing special really.

8. Transformers Age of Extinction – Let’s face it, Bay Haters, if we hated Bay so much we would stop watching his movies. Nope we keep watching them. Why? Because deep down we love thin plots and dollar store performances from otherwise good actors. We love seeing explosions and we love seeing robots kill each other. This movie gets dinged for two major things.. 1 it just forgets about Galvetron, and 2… we went to see Dino bots and we had to wait over 2 hours and got only 10 minutes if that.

9. The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies – Speaking of thin plots. What do you get when you take a great story, chop it into three movies, remove important details, and make up shit on a whim to make it “better”? You get the Hobbit trilogy. Two movies in I really enjoyed it. Then I read the book which is what brought this film down.. down on this list. Sometimes I wish I could unknow stuff and watch like the average movie goer. It was a pretty film, and the fights were awesome, but the white orc was not in the Hobbit. There was no grand fight to be seen between him and Thorin. And I feel like the red headed elf was simply made so we would feel sorry when Kili Dies. I guess the average movie goer wouldn’t feel sorry enough for a Dwarf. They had to have him leave a love behind. I don’t know. Then there was the mentioning of Ranger known as Strider.. when Aragorn would have been like 10 on that day. Cinematically it was a good end to a cinematic masterpiece of a saga. If I could watch it and rank it without the knowledge of the book it would likely climb higher on this list.

10. The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part 1 – So I’ve never read a Hunger games book, so I can get my wish with this one. The movie is pretty, and it certainly involves a deep plot. Anything dealing with dirty governments is a serious plot, but in the end the characters are not so believable. I don’t get lost in the watching. I do not get absorbed. Example is, when I watch Harry Potter I feel like I’m peering into another world where I’m seeing Harry Potter. When I watch the Hunger Games, entertaining as they may be I feel as if I’m watching Jennifer Lawrence recite lines. The rest of the cast doesn’t even help despite their acting chops, though that could be writing or directorial issues. Still that lands this movie at near the bottom.. But I said I saw 11 films. So which film didn’t make the top 10 for me?

11. Lucy – I wanted to like this film. I really did. I didn’t care that it was using the old (and inaccurate) plot of us using only 10 percent of our brains. I’ll let my imagine nation run wild for two hours.. oh wait.. I only needed it to run wild for 90 minutes. Now a good movies doesn’t have to be long, but I feel like this one might have been better if it ran longer. There just seemed to be bits missing. By the end of the film she could control every cell in everything and yet didn’t stop a gun fight happening right outside the room she sat. She didn’t bother teleporting to the places she needed to be. I feel like a far better film was left on floor of the cutting room and frankly I ‘d like to see that film. The dead pan acting from Scarlet was even forgiven once it was established she didn’t feel emotions like a normal human, but that didn’t help the odd images we were presented during the time travel sequence. I’m really not sure what was going on in a few frames.. and to be honest, watching her turn into some bio super computer and spitting out the biggest jump drive in history containing all of knowledge ever was kinda dumb. It was like the whole movie was a big joke and the audience was the punch line. I might watch it again if it comes on HBO and I”m bored but I wouldn’t go out of my way to see it.

Well there you have it. The 11 films I watched this past year, ranked. Let me know what you think. Let us hope next year I’ll have more to rank.

-Contributed by Matthew Slade

Dead Space 3 Review

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Can Isaac Clark survive a third round with the Necromorph scourge?

Dead Space 3 is an amazingly great game in spite of a few, yet obvious flaws. Its superb combat and addictive collecting and upgrade mechanics are great additions to the franchise, however the game is plagued by it’s constant errand running, and rather bland story along with a strong sense of deja vu that make up the better half of its nineteen chapter adventure.Despite these flaws, just with the previous entries, I can’t stop playing. .

Dead Space 3 also marks the first game where  co-op is an option. (Player 2 taking control of Sgt. John Carver) Very few games boast a rich atmosphere as Dead Space 3. Visceral Game’s engine easily renders everything in crystalline clarity. The eerily depth of space stretches out in differently in a haze which channels the spirit of the 80’s sci-fi and horror films while the snow and ice driven terrain of Tau Volantis pays homage to John Carpenter’s The Thing.

The music and sound design are top notch along with the visuals. They support each other well enough with traces back to classic genre soundtracks from Brian May (The Road Warrior), James Horner (Alien), and Hans Zimmer (The Dark Knight Trilogy). The voice acting is also done really well.

When it was announced that Dead Space 3 would have co-op, many fans were fearful that this meant that the series were moving away from its horror roots and to the more mainstream stage of action-thriller. Playing in co-op erodes the sense of isolation, but the lingering feelings of dread and scares remain intact. For those who don’t want nor care about playing in co-op, they can still have a relatively faithful Dead Space experience. The game responds pretty decent to the addition of a second player which will definitely come in handy in some of the more difficult encounters and boss fights. Carver’s presence also introduces some new lines of dialogue as well as a bunch of great optional co-op missions that explore his very tragic past. These co-op missions are some of the best parts of the overarching story and it makes me wish why Visceral didn’t put it as an option that you could do Carver’s back-story alone instead of on co-op.

Just like in the first two games, the combat reigns supreme in Dead Space 3. The combat is physical, vicious, and feral. The strategic dismemberment concept is the Dead Space franchise’s bread and butter. Even if you’ve played the first two games, Dead Space 3’s combat is still some of the most unique and satisfying of this generation.

Perhaps one of the most intriguing additions to Dead Space 3 is crafting and upgrading system. Gone are the days where you’d buy your weapons and ammo and health items at a store. This new concept really adds to the combat experience. The player will constantly be on the look out for new parts and resources to either build a new weapon, or upgrade their existing one. These decisions on what the player chooses to do makes for terrific tension all on its own. These new systems work together in a way that it creates a reward structure in which you’ll want to come back to.

Like I previously mentioned, Dead Space 3’s story feels bland and forced. Isaac has retreated from society, left his new girlfriend, and turned his back on the fight against the Unitologists and their markers. Yet when he finds out that Ellie is in trouble that is what propels him forward to fight on. Why now and why not earlier when she called and left a dozen different messages for him? This is the introduction to a fairly boring and uninteresting love triangle along with a series of far-fetched events. I will not go into spoiler territory but there is no way that with what the player discovers on Tau Volantis would go unnoticed for 200 years which could’ve helped the fight against the markers and the necromorphs. The writers must have noticed this because there’s an entire prologue trying to sell this single plot point. Also things seem to conveniently fall into place when Isaac and his team start to piece everything together in the second half of the game.

In addition to this stumbling story, Visceral has seemed to have backtracked to the original game as most of the progression is spent doing chores and errands. Isaac just can’t catch a break as whatever could go wrong, does go wrong and the solution is almost always either finding some lost item in a building on the other side of where you are. This structure feels so similar in routine and weakness of the original, at times Dead Space 3 feels more like Dead Space 1 all over again.

This shows that Visceral really didn’t have anything new to add to the lore or story. Isaac is a broken shell of his former self and this results in him being flat and rather bland throughout the majority of the game with very little development. Instead of some clever game-play that we saw in Dead Space 2, like the straightjacket intro or the grueling and horrific eyeball needle sequence. We’re instead treated to a bunch of mediocre mini-games and fetch quests. Other nagging issues include a reoccurring boss fight with a creature in which you must fight on three separate occasions. a terrible, and rather awkward fight against an angry drill, and an extremely generic final boss fight. Considering the elegance, sophistication, and lore of the world, combat and upgrade/crafting mechanics, it’s a shame that everything else feels rather meh.

The combat system and the world that Visceral has created in Dead Space 3 is so expertly woven and built that I found myself overlooking my main critiques and complaints because I thoroughly enjoyed playing it. This is a very important distinction to make: loving a game while being aware of its faults. Dead Space 3, when played the way I have, on New Game+ is an engrossing and satisfying experience. However it requires ignoring the bland story and the numbing to do lists. It only then becomes about building up the most powerful, best outfitted Isaac that you can imagine. Dead Space 3 may stumble and even fall down on itself sometimes, but it learns on how to pick it self back up in the aspects of combat, and upgrading/crafting.

Rating: 8/10

Contributor: [Adam Buskirk]

Top 5 Things You Do Not Say to The Silmarillion Fans

Contributor: Rick McGimpsey

5

1. So this is basically the Elvish Old Testament, right?

2. There is a Tolkien book more boring than The Lord of the Rings!? Amazing!

3. Why didn’t Iluvatar just kill Melkor before he got a chance to ruin Arda? The Valar are next to useless in the whole affair. Maybe Feanor was right!

4. Beren and Luthien and Turin Turambar are the only tales worth reading in this otherwise long, boring, overly preachy piece of nonsense.

5. I really hope Peter Jackson gets to make a three-part film of this. Screw the haters! PJ can add as many original characters, bad jokes, and non-canonical sub-plots he wants to. Just let him do it! I don’t have time to read books any more so give me more movies!

Next Monday: Top 5 Things You Do Not Say to Superman Fans

Innocence, Death and Zombies Films

Today, my mother and I took my sons (12 and 5) to the cemetery, to visit the graves of my father and brother. From there, things only a child could say caused hilarity.
First my five year old asked, “Are we going to see Paw Paw (local vernacular for grandfather) and dead Uncle Matthew?” We replied yes. Once at the grave site, he asked if we were going to dig them up. Which of course we responded no! He then asked why they died. We told him that everyone dies. He responds by asking when he was going to die. We told him we don’t know and we hope we never will.
He asked us where they were, my mom replied that they were in Heaven, with Jesus. He asked, rather annoyed, “Why didn’t Jesus just heal them?!” We were at a loss to explain that one. So we showed them my grandfather’s plot. My grandfather (91) paid not only for his plot, but his headstone, years ago. My little one asked, “Is Pop (my grandfather’s title, for us) buried there?” We responded, no, you see him every weekend. He responded with a disappointed, “Oh.”
The child like view of death that he has is amazing. What is truly offensive, from an adult is actual comedy, when a child sees something that can not be explained, easily, to anyone.So place some flowers on a grave of a loved one, just don’t dig them up!

Contributor- Brian Holder

Gin Joints and Rick Blaine

Chapter 1: There’s No Place Like Home
“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”

Picking up some of the empty shot glasses littering the bar top, Zoë loaded them into the tray before turning to her boss.

“Rick Blaine, Casablanca,” she answered while mixing a fruity drink for some barely legal on the other side of the bar before taking the younger woman’s money, “I take it she walked in again?”

The tall, well built man, didn’t even turn around to face his employee as he shrugged his shoulders, sliding a few beers down the bar into waiting hands. Continuing on, as if he wasn’t purposely avoiding looking at the door, and Zoë’s teasing jabs at his apparent “shyness” in the face of a pretty young woman that looked so out of place in the strip joint she had entered for the third time that week.

Scanning the crowd for the woman in question, Zoë ignored her boss’s warning and called her over.

“Etta! Yo Etta!”

Turning around, the tall, Russian woman made her way to the bar, stumbling through the crowds she had yet to get used to.

“Zoë! Sorry to be early. The UST at the store was just too much.”

Laughing, the shorter blonde assured her friend that it was okay before handing the woman a water.

“I take it my brother forget he was supposed to pick me up again?”

“I wouldn’t say he forgot this time. He and my Uncle were in a debate about classic movies and modern adaptations. He asked this time, if I could get you.”

Listening in on the conversation, Zoë’s boss turned around to put in his opinion.

“I swear you need to lock those two in the store room with a box of condoms and lube. Let nature take its course after that.”

Zoë started choking on air, trying to contain her incredulous laughter. Turning to her boss, she smacked his arm before turning back to their customers.

“I do not want to help my brother get laid. At least not in the store room! Those poor books, and the people who they get sold too!”

“No one has to know.”

Rolling her eyes, and trying to not imagine having to shelve those books, Zoë turned back to her friend at the bar.

“Odette, please tell the ass that I work for that you do not want to have to shelve those books if your Uncle and brother were to get down and dirty on them.”

The tall blonde muffled her laughter by taking a sip of water before turning to the male bartender.

“Duncan, I do not under an circumstance want to clean up and shelve the books in the storeroom If Uncle Vlad and Bas decide to fuck in there.”

“Eh, that’s your issue. You want the sexual tension to go away, then they need to get it in.”

The women started laughing as Duncan started pelvic thrusting to get his point across.

“I’m clocking out! Summer just walked in.”

“Just close out the register first.”

Zoë followed her boss’s orders, collected her tips and clocked out as Summer clocked in. Walking around the bar towards Odette, Duncan called out to her.

“Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You ain’t heard nothing yet!”

Turning around, walking backwards with Odette leading her, Zoë yelled back.

“Jack Robin, The Jazz Singer!”

With a two finger salute, Zoë turned back around and walked straight through the exit with a quick good bye to the bouncer as she passed.
___________________
Outside of the bar the two woman laughed as they made their way to an old beat up pick-up truck. Tripping over the gravel outside of the strip club, the two blondes complained over the owner being to cheap to pave the parking lot.

“It would be so much easier to get the drunks into taxis or the designated driver’s cars if the lot was paved!”

“Hell, we can barely walk it without tripping while we’re sober!”

“Damn straight!”

Zoë opened the door of the truck and climbed into the passenger side as Odette turned it on. The engine sputtered for a moment before purring to life. The old thing was being held together by duct tape and miracles, but Odette’s uncle had a had time letting go of his first car.

“I swear this thing is gonna crap out one day and we’ll be stuck on the side of the road in bumblefuck nowhere.” Odette stated as she pulled the truck out onto the highway.

“Are we going back to the store?”

“Unless you want to see those two eye-fucking all night, I’d suggest not.”

Zoë laughed, agreeing that, that would not be an ideal way to spend her night. She got enough of that during the day when everyone was together hanging out.

“We could go to the diner?”

“Nah. Chandler isn’t working tonight and the other waitresses aren’t exactly welcoming to us.”

“True. Your place?”

“Why not? Booker shouldn’t be too much of a pain tonight. Hell, if we get him drunk, we can get him into my clothes again. He still is trying to find where all of the pictures from last time are hidden.”

“Sounds like a plan. Your poor roommate. We torture him so.”

“Dude, he’s my brother’s best friend. He had to have figured this would happen when he agreed to room with us.”
_______________________
Books opened, papers spread out over every available surface in his room, Booker sat, putting together the final touches for his manuscript. It was the single most important thing in his life at the moment. He had barely slept or ate in the last week, trying to make his deadline. It wasn’t every day that an Indie film director holds a contest for a student film writer. He wanted this; it was his dream.

Hearing the front door slam shut, accompanied by giggling, he knew that he wasn’t going to get anymore work done for the night. He started to carefully put all of his work away in the order they needed to be. He knew that Zoë was going to drag him out to drink in the living room. It happened every time Odette picked her up from work because Sebastian was too busy flirting with a man twice his age.

It only took a few minutes before his door was being shoved open, the two blondes, alcohol in hand, waltzing in like they weren’t invading his personal space. Zoë sat cross legged at the foot of his bed, taking a swig from the bottle of Jack in her hands. Next to her, Odette was doing the same with a bottle vodka. Both were looking at Booker expectantly as Zoë held out a bottle of Rum.

“You two are going to kill me before I make my deadline.”

“Nah. You work too hard! Gotta loosen you up dude!”

“I don’t need to loosen up. I need to get my work done.”

“Well I just finished my shift and I want to play. You’re here, you don’t go out, so we’re bringing play time to you!”

“Play time!”

He shook his head, watching on as Odette tipped over, trying not to spill her alcohol. She was a lightweight beyond comparison.

“Etta, you bring shame to your Russian heritage. You are such a lightweight! Vlad can drink that shit like water.”

“Whelp, I’m not my Uncle. He’s busy having eye sex with your best friend~!”

“God knows they need to do more.”

“Ugh! Mental images!”

Booker took the rum, sitting back as his friends got drunk and debated on how the get rid of Vlad and Sebastian’s unresolved sexual tension. It was a common topic within their group of friends. Everyone saw that the two of them were hopelessly infatuated with each other, but neither would make the first move.

The giggling died down, and it got quiet, the three thinking and taking sips from their respective bottles. Booker’s mind on his manuscript, Odette’s on her Uncle’s love life, and Zoe’s on someone she ran into the day before.

“So… I ran into Professor Serrano at the bookstore yesterday.”

“Your Ancient History professor?

“He taught mythology too. Anyways, I graduated. He isn’t my professor anymore.”

“Okay? And?”

Zoë didn’t answer. The only sounds were of their breathing and the alcohol swishing in the bottles as they took sips. After a few minutes, Booker thought that she either fell asleep or forgot what they were talking about. It wouldn’t have been the first time she’s done that. When she did speak again, it startled him; her voice seemingly louder in the quiet of his bedroom.

“He asked me out for coffee.”

That got both Booker and Odette’s attention.

“Did you say yes?” The taller blonde asked in excitement.

“Of course I did.”

“So is it a date, or just him seeing how you’re doing after graduating?”

“It’s a date, I think.”

“Does he know you work in a strip club?”

“Why would that matter? Besides, I’m a bartender. Not one of the dancer. Though there is nothing wrong with that.”

“Of course not. I’m just saying that he is a college professor. He might expect you to have a job that requires more brainpower and less revealing tops.”

Zoë sat up, not even remembering when she decided to lie down in the first place. She fixed her roommate with a hard glare, surprisingly intimidating for someone as inebriated as she was. With a deep breath and measured words, she answered his unspoken question.

“He isn’t going to look down on me or think I’m an idiot. A job is a job, especially for someone with a major in ancient history that has no desire to become a teacher.”

If he hadn’t seen how much she had drank, he never would have guessed she was three sheets to the wind, pissed, and about to topple over if she were to attempt getting up.

“Okay, okay,” he put his hands up in a placating gesture, “He isn’t going to look down on you. It’ll be fine. You’ll have a great date.”

Zoë nodded her head in agreement before curling her body around the bottle of whiskey, closing her eyes. Odette was already asleep at the head of the bed, drooling over Booker’s pillows once again. Lifting himself off of the floor, Booker picked up the bottles of alcohol, leaving his room to put them back into the kitchen.

He grabbed two glasses and filled them with water before getting out the Advil. He placed them on the nightstand in Zoë’s room. Walking back into his room, he prepared himself to lift the dead weight Zoë and Odette both became when they passed out drunk.

Twenty minutes later, and minimal struggling, Booker had both women in Zoë’s room. He was pretty sure only Odette would have a hangover; Zoë having the freakishly lucky ability to be one of those few people to never get a hangover. She’ll be the one to wake up first thing in the morning to make an apology breakfast for him having to take care of her once again.

She was twenty-one and fresh out of college. Drinking all the time and getting black out drunk is what people their age are supposed to be doing, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she had a problem. Getting pissed after work every night, when you work at a bar…it seemed like a lot. If it was him, seeing and dealing with drunk people all night, it would turn him off from becoming one of them. He worried about her. They grew up together; she was like his own sister. Just like Sebastian was like his brother.

Sighing, Booker sat himself in the living room and turned on the TV. It was just after midnight, For the life of him, he couldn’t understand how Sebastian and Vlad spent so much time together, especially late at night, and not hook up. It wasn’t like Sebastian at all.

Growing up with Sebastian and Zoë, Booker learned three things. One, the twins would always get him into trouble. Two, both of them had gotten lucky with their gene pool, and could/would pick up anyone who caught their eye. Three, Sebastian never went a week without some random coming home with him for a long, loud night of fun that would be keeping the entire floor up at night.

In the last six months, Sebastian has only had a total of six hook ups; something that hadn’t happened since they hit puberty. They had all happened after Vlad had had a few dates with a frequent customer of his bookstore. Sebastian had been a wreck. He didn’t come out of his room for four days, and when he finally did, he looked like death. It took a week after that to get him to leave the apartment, and when he did finally leave the apartment, he went out to bar after bar to get drunk and pick up randoms. Only six of the randoms made it back to the apartment, but he knew that there were more bathroom and car hook ups that Sebastian barely remembered. It wasn’t until Odette told Sebastian that her Uncle broke it off with the guy that Sebastian stopped with the random hook ups. That was the worst month the group had gone through. Seeing their friend self destruct was not something any of them wanted to see again.

Booker had never seen his best friend in love before. If he were to mention it to Sebastian, the man would deny that he is in love with the older bookstore owner until his dying breath. He was too stubborn for his own well being. It was something that he and his sister both had in common. They were stubborn to a fault, tried to handle everything their own way, and denied anyone else’s help until it was forced upon them. Sometimes, even then, they’d do their best to resist it. It was frustrating to be friends with them more than half the time but he would never change being friends with them. They were loyal to those they cared about.

It had become a ritual for Booker to stay up late on the nights that Odette picked Zoë up from work. He would sit in the living room, put some random show on the TV, and wait for Sebastian to come back home. He was just waiting for the night when something finally happened between he and Vlad. He wanted to be the first person to find out when the endless pining was over.

It wasn’t until around 2 a.m. that the front door opened again. Sebastian tried to quietly sneak in, but Booker wasn’t going to let him.

“So you’re home late.”

The teasing edge to Booker’s voice had Sebastian go from startled to irked.

“Don’t you even start with me. We were just talking and fell asleep on the couch. That’s it, not that I owe you any explanation.”

“Jeez, so defensive, man. I’m gonna take that as you haven’t gotten laid by Vlad yet.”

“Fuck you.”

“Sorry bro, but I don’t swing that way. If you really want it, you could always go back to Vlad’s and beg for it.”

Sebastian just looked at Booker before laughing. He took note of the liqueur bottles on the counter, and decided to get the pans from the top shelf down now. It would be better to set them out for Zoë now, otherwise he’d have to hear her banging around trying to reach them early in the morning, when no normal human being that spent the night getting hammered should be up at.

“So when are you going to admit your undying love for Vlad?”

“I’m not in love with him.”

“People in space can see that you are in love with the man.”

“There are no people in space right now so your statement has been proven redundant.”

“I think you misused redundant.”

“It’s two in the morning and I have to be up in five hours for work. I don’t care if I’m using the wrong words.”

“So touchy. Yo really need to get laid man. Maybe we’ll just lock and Vlad in a bathroom or something until you guys fuck already.”

“You’re an idiot and don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m going to bed.”

Sebastian walked out of the kitchen towards his bedroom.

“I may be an idiot, but at least I’m not blind to the fact that Vlad loves you back!”

Sebastian ignored Booker in favor of stepping on his friends foot as he walked by to get into his own room. In retaliation, Booker threw one of the throw pillows at his friend right before the bedroom door shut. He counted it as a success before getting up to stretch. He had to wake up early to finish getting his manuscript done. It was time for him to get some sleep. He turned off the TV, tossing the remote back onto the couch before walking back into his own room.
________________________
The smell of pancakes filled the air in the apartment, stirring the ones still sleeping from their slumber. Zoë

bustled around the small kitchen, preparing breakfast for her roommates and friend. She knew that Sebastian and Booker would be up soon, the smell of food too much for them to ignore. Growing up with them, she knew that they were virtually bottomless pits that could eat anyone out of house and home. She could never figure out how they didn’t gain any weight with the amount of food that they ate regularly.

She had just finished getting everything done when Sebastian stumbled out of his room, dressed for the day and looking like he was run over by a bus.

“Someone looks tired. Late night?”

Her brother just grunted in response before pouring himself a cup of coffee and chugging it back. Zoë scrunched her nose in distaste. She never understood how her brother could drink coffee black. It always tasted too bitter to her. It left a bad taste in her mouth and set her up for a day long migraine.

“Don’t start. Too early.”

“Awe, poor baby. Looks like someone didn’t get any loving from his sugar daddy~.”

“Vlad is not a sugar daddy. I hate it when he tries to pay for me. Makes me feel like a little kid.”

“Of course. You want him to see you as someone to drag to bed and have his wicked way with.”

Sebastian groaned and lowered his head into his arms, as his sister loaded up a plate of food for him. The standard run around debate for the mornings she makes breakfast for everyone.

“Can we not do this? Too early to deal with this.”

“To deal with what? Your denial? River in Egypt and all that.”

“Not happening. He and I do not feel that way towards each other.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Before Sebastian could retort, Booker came out of his room, yawning and nearly walking into the end table before making his way into the kitchen. Sitting down at the counter next to his best friend, Booker dropped his head and made a grabbing motion at the coffee pot. Without even questioning him, Zoë fixed Booker his coffee, exactly how he liked it before setting it down in front of him, along with a plate of food.

“So what’s Seb telling himself?”

“The usual. Ya know, denying his feelings for Vlad, and the fact that they are totally dating each other, just without the sex.”

“Well, they could be having sex if they just admitted their feelings.”

“I really hate you guys sometimes.”

Booker and Zoë looked at each other and laughed. Zoë patting her brother’s arm before putting a plate in the microwave for Odette.

“We love you too, Sebby.”

“I hate it when you call me Sebby.”

“Would Bassy be better, bro?”

Sebastian smacked Booker upside the back of his head. Zoë watched on as Booker smacked him back. Eating her own breakfast, while sitting on the counter, she watched the smacking quickly deteriorate into a full out wrestling match as Booker and Sebastian fell out of their chairs. It was entertaining to watch the two grown men acting like they were still thirteen year old boys getting into an all out brawl over comic books in her parent’s backyard.

After a few minutes Sebastian’s phone started to go off. Zoë jumped off the counter to answer it.

“Oh, hey Vlad! No Seb isn’t available at the moment. He’s wrestling with Booker over a little debate.”

Hearing his sister on his phone, Sebastian tried getting up to get to her, but Booker pinned him down and sat on his back, wanting to see where Zoë was going to take this.

“Pretty sure you’d be a better match for him though,” Zoë laughed at whatever Vlad had said, “I’ll let him know. Don’t worry, he’ll be there. Sounds like a perfect date! I’ll make sure he’s dressed up. Talk to you later, and take care of my brother!”

Hanging up the phone, Zoë looked over the counter and down at her brother on the floor.

“So you have dinner with Vlad tonight at black tie restaurant. He needed a date for his friend’s engagement dinner. Be ready by five. He’ll be here to pick you up.”

Sebastian bucked up, catching Booker off guard and dislodging the man off of him. Booker just sat there laughing at the blush covering his best friend’s face. Zoë just sat on the counter waving Sebastian’s phone in front of her and covering her giggles with her other hand.

Getting up, Sebastian grabbed his phone and shoved his sister’s arm. This just made her laugh harder.

“I don’t know whether to hate you or hug you right now.”

“You could never hate me. I just got you a nice little date with your lover man.”

“I don’t love him!”

“Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.”

“Sorry, Booker. I already got the Egypt line in before you woke up.”

“Damn.”

Sebastian shook his head. No matter what he said, those two would keep insisting that he was in love with Vlad. Which he isn’t; it’s just a little crush, that has lasted over six months, shows no signs of stopping and keeps getting bigger and bigger. Oh, he was so floating down the river without a paddle in sight.
_______________________
Rubbing her eyes, Odette reached her hand out, feeling around for her buzzing cell phone. Her head was pounding, the light streaming in from the window, much too bright even through the drawn curtains. After a few moments of blindly feeling around, she found her phone inside the pillow case. She was too tired, too hung over, to even question how it got there in the first place.

“What?”

She heard a faint chuckle on the other line.

“Now is that any way to great your dear Uncle?”

Looking around, she noticed the pain killers and water. She quickly swallowed down the pills before lying back down. Odette waited until she pulled the covers over her head before she answered her Uncle.

“When I’m hung over, then yea.”

“Out drinking with Zoë again?”

“In drinking with her again. At the apartment. Since you and Bastian were eye fucking all night,”

There was a pause in the line. Odette was almost positive that her Uncle was going to hang up on her, but then she heard him snort in indignation.

“I would not call an intellectual conversation with someone as stimulating as him, ‘eye fucking.'”

“Stimulating, huh?”

“Don’t get smart with me young lady.”

“Ha. I’m too hung over for smart,” she paused for a moment to think over what she had just said before continuing with her thoughts, “That didn’t come out right. Anyways, you want in those 21 year old pants.”:

“I’m much too old to be thinking that way of someone my niece’s age.”

“Yeah right. You’re a fit man that looks like he’s in his early thirties. Even if I don’t want to think of you in any way remotely involving your love life, I can tell that Bastian doesn’t care how old you are.”

“I’m old enough to be his father.”

“His father is about ten years older than you are.”

“Moot point.”

Odette sighed as she rolled onto her stomach.

“Uncle Vlad, you are so obviously smitten with my sexy ass gay friend and he is just as moony-eyed over your old ass. Grow a pair, man up and do something already.”

“He’s coming with me to the engagement dinner tonight.”

This woke his right up. She shifted until she was sitting with her back against the headboard.

“Official date?”

“I’m hoping that it will be.”

“It’s about damn time!”

“Yes, well I have to start getting things ready for tonight. I’ll see you later at home.”

“Bye Uncle Vlad! Don’t be knocking Bastian up the duff tonight!”

Odette hung up before her Uncle could yell at her for her language. She was positively giddy from the exited/happy energy that was flowing through her at that moment. The best cure for a hangover was good news, and this was the best news she could have heard. After months of unresolved sexual tension and flirting ping pong, her uncle finally made the first move into being with Sebastian.

There was a tiny part of her that questioned how she was so completely okay with her forty-three year old uncle being head over heels in love with one of her twenty-one year old best friends. It wasn’t something that was exactly considered normal. Whether it was the age difference, or the stigma of an older gay male being with a young, fit, gay male that was barely legal to buy alcohol, she wasn’t particularly bothered by it. If she were to really sit down and think about it, she’s more happy that her uncle finally found someone that makes him happy, and if it just so happens to be her friend, then at least she knows that they will take care of each other. What more could she want for them, than to be happy and in love?
__________________________
It was absolute chaos in the apartment as Zoë kept trying to convince her brother that he looked stunning for his date. She had been running in circles with him for the last hour, and he didn’t seem to be calming down anytime soon. Booker had snuck out of the apartment as soon as his best friend started to have an anxiety attack over what he was supposed to wear. She couldn’t wait until he got home later so she could exact her revenge on him for leaving her alone to deal with her brother’s meltdown.

“Sebastian Elliot Carter, calm yourself down this instant!”

He paused in his frantic pacing to look at his sister in frightened awe.

“You sound just like mom.”

She rolled her eyes at Sebastian’s supposed shock over that.

“And you’re freaking out worse than I did on prom night.”

Sebastian’s face contorted as if he had tasted something entirely unpleasant.

“Am not! You cried over your shoes not being the exact color of your dress! And I couldn’t even tell the difference!”

“And you’re freaking out over a tie.”

“But it’s a fancy dinner with all his older friends! What if they think I’m just some little kid?!”

“You’re a journalist in some minor publications. You have a degree in philosophy, and you work as a waiter during the mornings and afternoons to help us pay the bills. You have more than enough grownup things to talk about that should impress them.”

Finally, he slumped down onto the couch, careful to not wrinkle his suit. His plain, black tie hung undone around his neck. Zoë couldn’t help but feel sympathy for him, even if he had been getting on her nerves for the better part of the day. He was her twin after all and he was terrified of messing up his first date with the man he was in love with. As far as she knew, and she knew just about everything when it came to her brother, Vlad was his first love. It had to be terrifying for him at the moment.

“Come here you idiot.” She motioned for her brother to join her by the kitchen counter.

Sebastian heaved himself off of the couch as if it was an impossibly hard task for him to complete. Zoë once again rolled her eyes at her brother. He had to be one of the most difficult people she had ever spent prolonged time with. She hoped that he knew how lucky he was that she loved him so much, otherwise she would not have had the patience to deal with him and his long over due first date jitters.

When he stood in front of her, she wordlessly reached out and knotted his tie for him. As skilled as he was with flirting and words, Sebastian was hopeless when it came to doing his own ties. It was something that she thought Vlad would find endearing. That thought made her smile. She knew how much Vlad treasured her brother.

No matter how many times Odette or her meddled and told the two men that their feelings were reciprocated, they just didn’t want to listen. It had been tedious and frustrating. They were too caught up in their doubts of what could go wrong, that they didn’t see what was literally right in front of them, especially with how much time they had spent together for the better part of a year.

“Tonight is going to go just fine. Stop worrying over nothing. He cares about you so much.”

“I just don’t want him to realize that I’m too young for him.”

“Want to know a secret? Odette told me that Vlad’s afraid you’ll start thinking he’s too old for you.”

Sebastian cocked hi head to the side as he stared at his sister; her words sinking in.

“But I would never think that!”

“Exactly. So what makes you think that he’ll find you too young?”

“Point taken.”

A knock at their door stopped the conversation short. Looking towards the clock, the twins realized that it was just a little passed five o’clock. Zoë walked to the door to let Vlad in.

Sebastian’s breath caught in his throat as he took in Vlad’s appearance. The older man had his long, silvering hair pulled back at the nape of his neck. His broad shoulders and muscled biceps, highlighted by the cut of his suit jacket. Vlad’s long legs were made to seem to go on forever in the tailored pants. It took every ounce of self control the younger had not to walk over, grab Vlad’s tie and tug him in for a hot and desperate kiss. Doing another sweep over, Sebastian saw that Vlad must be having the exact same problem, judging by the bulge he was now sporting in his slacks.

Standing off to the side, Zoë wasn’t even sure that the two men were going to make it to the dinner before jumping one another. She could feel the tension rolling off of them in waves; it was almost tangible, as if she could reach out and touch it. The looks they were sending each other were better left to the privacy of a bedroom, and not in front of sisters in the living room. The two were perfect for each other, and she was glad that they were finally coming to their senses.

“Alright you two, go have fun! Shoo-shoo!”

Both men laughed as she made shooing motions at them towards the open door. They took the not so subtle hint and made their way out.

“Good night, Zoë. I’ll see you at the store tomorrow.

“Night sis! I’ll see you when I get home.”

“Have fun guys! And that’s if you make it home tonight, Sebby!”

Zoë laughed as she saw the blush start to rise on her brother’s neck. She just laughed harder as he flipped her off right before he closed their door. She couldn’t wait to call Odette.
_________________________
The engagement party was a dull affair compared to the parties that he had been to with his friends. He was sure that Vlad’s friends were humoring his presence there. It felt like he was being looked at and judged by his age more than they were giving him a chance. It made him feel unsure of himself, which was not something that he was used to dealing with.

Sebastian always felt confident in who he was. He knew what he wanted and he went for it. If people decided not to like him before they knew him, then it was their problem, not his. He didn’t give a damn about anything like that on any given day, but this was different to him. Vlad was different to him. He wanted whatever it was that he had with Vlad to last for a long time. He wanted Vlad’s friends to like him. The older crowd however, seemed to be less inclined to accept Sebastian as a part of Vlad’s life, and that hurt. He didn’t want this relationship to be over before it had a chance to really start.

He watched as Vlad laughed at something one of his friend’s said, and smiled. He loved Vlad’s laugh; it always seemed to set him at ease, even in unfamiliar situations. Looking up, he caught the older man’s eyes. Vlad’s answering smile could have lit up the room, and Sebastian felt his heart flutter in his rib cage. His pulse picked up when Vlad waved Sebastian over to him. Without thinking, the younger male’s feet took him over to his date’s side.

“Sebastian, I’d like you to meet the groom, Gabe Kaiser. Gabe, this is my date, Sebastian.”

Sebastian stuck his hand out to shake Gabe’s.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Gabe decided that it was the perfect time to question Vlad on his young date.

“So how did you meet Sebastian here, Vlad?”

The Russian man shook his had at his friend’s lack of tact, however expected it was.

“We met at my bookstore. His sister is a regular.”

“So you guys just hit it off or something?”

Sebastian decided to speak up instead of letting Vlad answer everything for him.

“Well my sister also happens to be very good friend’s with Vlad’s niece. With Zoë and I always hanging around, we were bound to start talking sooner or later.”

“Of course. Didn’t know Vlad here had it in him to pick someone so young.”

Gabe let out a little chuckle at his friend’s expense. Vlad felt Sebastian tense at Gabe’s teasing. He laid a soothing hand on Sebastian’s waist.

“Don’t listen to Gabe. He means no harm; he’s just lacking in the intelligence department. Lord knows how his soon-to-be wife deals with him.”

“I take offense to that!”

Gabe looked mock affronted at Vlad’s teasing jab at his intellect, before laughing again. Vlad just rolled his eyes. Sebastian guessed that was something Vlad did regularly around Gabe.

“Sebastian, disregard anything that this idiot says about your age. His fiancée is a twenty-four year old grad student. He’s turning fifty next month.”

“Jeez, you make it sound like a bad thing, there Vlad,” Gabe joked, then turned to face Sebastian, “Seriously though, don’t take it to heart. I have nothing against your age; I just didn’t think Vlad had it in him to actual ask you out. He’s been pining like a middle school girl with her first crush for the last six-something months.”

Sebastian couldn’t help but to laugh at the light pink dusting the normally put together bookstore owner’s face. He only laughed harder when Vlad scowled at his friend, not finding Gabe’s revelation as amusing as Sebastian did. The younger stepped in front of his date, looking the older man in the eyes.

“Six months, huh? That’s a long time,” Sebastian just grinned as Vlad’s blush started to get darker, “Want to hear a confession? I’ve wanted you to ask me out since the first time Odette introduced us.”

Vlad looked at Sebastian, surprise lighting up his features. It wasn’t an unwelcome surprise either. Taking the younger’s hand, Vlad excused them from the conversation before leading them to a more secluded area of the rental hall.

Curious, Sebastian was going to question Vlad, but he didn’t get the chance before lips were on his. His surprise only lasted for a second before he was kissing Vlad back. It wasn’t exactly like any of the numerous fantasies he’s had about their first kiss, but the feelings that Vlad ignited in him were better than anything he could have imagined. The older man had a very skilled tongue that left Sebastian breathless, and holding onto Vlad’s arms for support when they finally broke apart.

Zoë was going to have a field day with him tomorrow, but as they left the hall, Sebastian didn’t really care. He knew that sex wasn’t on the table for that night; they had too much to talk about first. That didn’t mean that they couldn’t have just as much fun making out like high school students, before turning in for the night. If he just so happened to not make it home that night, well that was really no one else’s business. Odette, Zoë and Booker would interrogate the two of them the next day, and they would be told the truth. It wasn’t easy to lie to them, and this was something that he couldn’t wait to share with them.

“Guess I’m not in Egypt anymore.”

Vlad looked at him quizzically.

“Egypt?”

“Just something that Zoë said to me earlier.”

“I will never understand your sister.”

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t think she even understands half of what she says the majority of the time.”

Sebastian cut off whatever Vlad was going to say with another kiss. He hoped it would be enough to keep Vlad from questioning him about Zoë. Some things were better left for another story. Tonight was just about their story; their beginning as more than friends.

Contributor~ Amanda Zober

Christmas Spirit

CONTRIBUTOR: Raven Akashiya

Since we were little we have heard about goodwill towards fellow man around this time of year. But most families tend to argue at get togethers, even on Christmas. We tend to forget that we are not promised tomorrow and take things for granted.
Trust me I know the holidays are a pain and when you get people in cramped places when stress is high, words get thrown around and arguments happen.
Remember that Christmas is a time of year to give and a time to be  thankful. Put aside your differences for one day and when  people start drama just brush it off with a smile and a “Merry Christmas”. It is bound to irritate someone, but at the same time the family is not bothered by bickering.

Remember that your annoying brother may not be there tomorrow (no one is guaranteed a tomorrow) and even if an argument  breaks out he still loves you regardless.

Have a Merry Christmas, may your hearts be filled with joy, laughter, and love.

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Merry Freaking Christmas

I hate Christmas.  Every year it comes around like that dog you gave some food to once and it just keeps nudging you for more.  I really hate the holiday with a passion.  I wish I could move to an island for December and live in a hut and not have to deal with picking out a tree, untangling lights, wrapping gifts and giving them away.  I also don’t want to hear carolers, see any light displays and vacuum pine needles after I take the tree out.

Now, I’m going to list my five reasons that I hate Christmas:

  1. Giving my parents gifts– My parents are pretty decent people.  But when you reach a certain age, you have everything, you’have seen everything and you have done everything.  So, it’s like, “What can I get that will blow their mind?”  I try to double team with my sisters about what we can get them-there’s one covert sister, she finds out the stuff and tells us. And, it’s usually wrong.  I reach the point where I call and ask them myself and cringe at their response, “I’ll take anything you want to give me.”  What I hear is, “No matter what loser type gift you give me, I’ll say that it’s nice and usually put it in the attic.”

Guess what, now they get gift certificates.

  1. Receiving gifts- One day, I was walking around Target with my kids. I was just killing time; so we played the “What if mommy had infinity million dollars” game where we pick out things we want.  I saw a really cute item.  It was on sale for $4.  I thought that if I had $4, I’d get it.  It was cute and small-nothing extravagant.  When I went back a week later (I had a lot of free time), it was marked even lower-closer to $1.97.  Oh yeah, I should get this now, if only this lint in my pocket was money.  Christmas day and we’re opening presents and I get this small wrapped gift.  It has a familiar feel to it.  I know what it is before I open it.  It’s the $1.97 item I saw at Target.

Now, the person who gave this to me will remain nameless but I was shocked (after I spent a sufficient amount above $1.97 for their gift).

“Do you like it?” the person asked.

“Oh, I love it,” I said, dripping in sarcasm, “I have the perfect spot.”

  1. Divorced parents-I’m a child of divorce.  Sometimes my parents can be so nitpicky over the holidays, I just want to try to split myself in half, to make each of them happy.  I remember once my father told me down to the millisecond how much time we’d spent with him the year before. (It went something like, “You’ve spent eight hours and fifty six minutes at your mothers’ house.  I was the recipient of forty five minutes.”)  I was like, “What?” and left speechless.

Of course, my sisters and I got together and bitched about this bizarre time keeping and spending system like there was no tomorrow.  It’s not like we did this crap on purpose but nevertheless, it’s annoying.

This is why I want the island.  I don’t have to worry about splitting myself in half.

  1. Toys! Toys! Toys! – Every freaking year, it’s “I want this!” or “I want that” or “Mom-look at this, it’s so nice, I need it!” It’s enough to make you rip your hair out by the roots and find the people that make these commercials and strangle them.  I know they are doing their job making that Barbie pool look so cool and inviting or kids laughing so hard at the dog that shits out balls; but I despise them, nonetheless.  I look around and see all the other toys my kid hasn’t played with-the dust all over it and at all the Barbie packs that aren’t even open.

“Why should I get this for you?”

“Because I don’t have it.”

“Not good enough.”

“It’s newer than the one I have.”

“But you don’t play with the one you have.”

Runs and gets toy, “Look, I’m playing now!”

Yeah.

And the final reason I hate Christmas is…

  1. Jesus was born in the summer-based on research. Google it.

Contributor: Tracy Cross Lucas